Only Love

Recently, I caught myself in the mirror, and realized that I was smiling at myself – genuinely admiring the fruits of my diet and lifestyle changes.

I turn 40 this year, and I can’t think of another time in my life where I smiled at my naked self.

Certainly not since I had kids.

From an early age, I was exposed to some poor examples of body positivity. Lack thereof, really. Starting from age 13 or so I was obsessed with how skinny I was…or wasn’t.

Or however my adolescent mind decided to peer through a distorted lens at myself.

In 8th grade, I became anorexic for a time. Carried aloft by the idea that food was my enemy.

When I turned 18, I entered into a 9 year long sentence in a relationship which seemed to further tear at the fragile fabric of my self esteem. By the time I left at 27, I was a shell.

When I was 25, I had my first child. 7 years later, I had my 2nd and my abdominal muscles stretched horribly. After my 3rd child in 2017, I could barely hold myself up.

Needless to say, as the years rolled on, I hated my body more and more. When I was diagnosed with scoliosis in 2018, I would stare at my rib hump with utter disgust.

I used words like grotesque, hideous, fat, awful, terrible.

I finally realized in 2021 that words matter. Our thoughts matter.

I have since learned how very much in control I am of my life and myself.

And the tears I’ve cried apologizing to myself – to my person.

This session made me feel so good about my body. And not because I had on the right outfit or did a whole bunch of makeup or because I don’t have any rolls or cellulite. In fact, all I did was throw on some mascara.

No.

It was because of love. The love I have found buried deep inside where my sacred energy has been stuffed away.

The love that has overcome the mean things I told my body – the hate in which I cast it aside.

I want this hate no longer. Only love.

Only love.

Speaking of love – so much love to the amazing Eric for showing me so much love with this and many photo shoots. I think one of the most romantic things on the planet is a man who’s art is his woman. Thank you.